Am I good in bed?
In many ways, the obsession with sex that I developed as a teenager who was fixated on the blog posts of prostitutes has never truly died down. I am still fascinated with sex and how people commonly confuse it with being loved and liked when, in reality, it is about being wanted. To be good at what I do, I need to maintain an extreme objectivity. I need to be receptive to the men who seek experiences with me and open to how they want to express and enjoy themselves. What gives them enjoyment may not always give me pleasure. However, I think it is a true privilege to deliver what I do in a context that society deems to be morally questionable while also maintaining my sense of who I am at heart. I am by no means a master of blowjobs. Nor am I a big-chested vixen who oozes sex appeal. But I deliver real meaning for my clients through the way I serve them. Many prostitutes use the term “listening” as a codeword for what they do; however, it’s the perfect verb.
How do you make sure you remain safe when meeting clients?
As I said, I don’t take drugs and I ensure I always remain pretty sober. I have firm boundaries and refuse to engage in any activities that are against my wishes. To be honest, a vast majority of the time I am within easy reach of a man’s most sacred possession: his testicles. This, in itself, tends to give me some level of security. So far, I have been really lucky with my clients, and they all treat me with respect and dignity. The high fees that the agency charge also means that there’s a low chance of me encountering any unsavory characters.
The agency driver did tell me that he carries a gun around with him; so I guess there is that underlying feeling that I am taking a risk. However, I suppose that strange feeling of fear combined with relief also intrigues me.
Do you have a boyfriend or long-term partner? If so, how do you fit your work as an escort around your relationship? If not, would you contemplate dating someone? How do you plan to deal with your job when that situation arises?
I have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t know what I do. Of course, I have been entirely open about my interest in sex with him; it would be difficult to hide given that the apartment we share is littered with books and articles on the subject. However, he has no idea that I have actually gone that one step further.
I guess this is the biggest area of concern I have about the job. When I describe it as a job, I feel somewhat strange about it all. It is no ordinary job; I am sharing myself intimately with someone after all. Having access to my body in this way would usually be something that is quite sacred in a personal relationship. I am willingly providing this access to paying clients. Some customers have even referred to the services I provide as making love. I don’t correct them on this because it is entirely their prerogative to think of it that way. However, I completely disagree that we are making love. That said, the process of intercourse is the same, we still exchange bodily fluids and his penis still enters my body, and this is something my boyfriend would almost certainly have an issue with; I couldn’t blame him for that.
For now, I have chosen to hide the truth from my boyfriend, but this is not without its problems. I have another part-time job, and I use this as a guise to explain where I am when I am with a client. I also find it tough to take phone calls when I am with my boyfriend, so I rely on text messages as much as possible. Many escorts and porn stars find the guilt associated with living a pretense an Aphrodisiac. It isn’t that way for me. In fact, I despise the fact I am lying to my boyfriend. However, as perverse as it may sound, I truly think my work as an escort has made me a better girlfriend. I am more tuned into what my boyfriend needs and am more selfless in our relationship and our sex life. Perhaps this is due to the guilt I feel sometimes, or maybe it is an extension of what I have learned about men through my job.
I don’t plan on being an escort forever. It’s very early days for me, and it was only really intended to be something that supplemented my income while I studied. However, if I do decide to carry on doing it after graduation, I will probably tell my boyfriend the truth. I make sure we use protection at all times, so it is not like I am exposing him to any risks. Do I feel crap about lying to him? Yes. Do I feel shit enough to take immediate action? No.
Perhaps I am just devoid of morals. However, the way I see it, I entered into a relationship with my boyfriend, but I did not give him ownership of my body. You may question this logic and argue that I should not be in a relationship at all if that’s how I feel. I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you. However, if it actually came down to the wire and I had to choose my job as an escort or my relationship, I would want my boyfriend. No question.
Is your work as an escort helping you to achieve something? For example, are you saving the money up for something? Or do you work as an escort because you enjoy it?
As I described earlier, I got into this job because I am curious about sex and that curiosity keeps me doing what I do. I am not exactly short of cash, but who wouldn’t want extra money? I do save all the money I make, but I don’t have an end goal in mind at this time. I’m sure I will make use of it someday.
The lady who runs the agency and I have discussed the cash side of the business in depth. It’s easy to start flashing the cash once you have a bank balance boost. But she advised me to save as much of it as I can and put it to a meaningful purpose. Not many jobs pay this level of money; however, not many have such intimate demands. Wasting the cash on superficial items, like shoes and handbags, would make a mockery of what I do and the value I place on my body. Of course, I do treat myself to an indulgently shallow purchase every now and again.
What advice would you give your best friend if she told you she wanted to get into sex work?
The answer to that would depend on whom I was talking to. The majority of my friends are completely unsuitable for this line of work. To be successful as an escort you need to be able to draw clear demarcations between your personal and professional personas and to keep everything completely separate; not just your emotions, but also your thoughts. To be good at this, you need to be able to take in a lot of minor details and keep track of what different people like and when. Every client I serve has unique needs. I need to be tuned into these and able to serve them. Escorts also need to have a good imagination, both regarding stimulating conversation and during sexual activities. There is a softer side to being an escort. You need to understand that your clients have some form of insecurity and that they are mostly seeking validation through their experience with you.
The people who are best at this job are confident individuals who are not seeking a boost in self-esteem. Although you may have regulars who come to you time and time again and who flatter you with compliments, you are essentially disposable.
I think my line of work is something that you need to do for yourself before you can truly understand it. I could go on and on; however, my words would largely be meaningless unless you experienced it for yourself. If your curiosity is getting the best of you, lay back and spread your legs. Just make sure you enjoy it. The upside? You’re getting paid to do something that the majority of people spend every day of their life yearning for.
Am I good in bed?